It's Eva Day!

It is so hard to believe this day is finally here! We are now just counting down by hours, rather than months or days. I went to bed early and have been waking up off an on since about 2:30, and I just can’t sleep anymore. The last blog I wrote was from China, right before we came home with Ayla. That was just under 2 years ago, but I can remember it like it was yesterday. There have been SO many blogs in my head since then that have never made it in writing… funny moments, sweet moments, and lots of stories of God’s faithfulness.

I know those close to us have heard a lot of the stories throughout our process to Eva, but for her sake, I want to share them here so we can look back on them together when she’s older. We knew God calling us to adopt again about 8 months after we came home… November 2012. This was not our plan. On paper, it did not make sense for us to adopt. We couldn’t afford the first adoption and we had even less now. Some people are afraid to ask (and some aren’t, haha) if we struggle with infertility. The answer is we don’t know! We’ve never tried to get pregnant. After touring with the international children’s choir, we just really felt led to international adoption. After we brought Ayla home, we talked to several friends who were ahead of us and had adopted kids asking questions about their adoption… the tough questions about abandonment, and feeling unloved by their birth family. We know those moments lie ahead for us too, and we just thought it would be a beautiful thing for Ayla and Eva to have each other in those moments.

There were such amazing moments with Ayla’s adoption (you can look back at old blogs), that I was honestly a little nervous starting over. I wondered how it could possibly happen again the second time around. Not that we had to have fireworks… it ultimately comes down to God’s peace in our hearts, but I did want some stories to share with Eva. And God was gracious.

We wanted to settle on a name early on for Ayla’s sake. It’s hard enough talking about “a little sister in China”, much less one without a face or a name. So, we decided pretty quickly on Eva. I loved the meaning of it – “life-giving”. For a middle name we were torn. I loved Grace because her name would mean, “life giving grace,” but I also wanted to use Ann since it was my mom’s and my middle name. We had plenty of time to decide, so we just waited. Then one night I was awake in bed and decided to look up the meaning for Ann. And guess what? It means grace! So there we go… we are using Ann AND it means “life-giving grace.”

Little did I know when we used this name just how meaningful it would end up being. Back in August, my Big Daddy got really sick and we were told it wouldn’t bee long before he’d be with Jesus. Every time I saw him, he would ask, “Do we know who Eva is yet?” We had been told to expect a file around late September, so I didn’t think he would get to see who she was. I was shopping in Publix on August 29, when I saw I had missed a call from our social worker. When I called her back I was SHOCKED to hear that she had a file for us… for a little girl who wasn’t even one yet! I waited for her to email over the file, and after I went up and down the same aisle at least five times, I went home so I could look through everything. It was her! (I hoped Steven would agree when he got home from work – haha). We turned in the paperwork the next morning, and I got pictures printed to take to Big Daddy. We have pictures of him with Ayla and a picture of Eva that I am so thankful for! That was August 30. Eva’s first birthday was September 3, and Big Daddy went home on September 5.

Our family has been in a season of sorrow. We have been grieving together over the loss of my cousin Drew last month. The losses are very real, but our hope is sure! It has been hard to have such conflicting emotions at the same time, but I praise God for the bright spot Eva will be in a dark time for our family… a little “life-giving grace.”

Adoption is such a beautiful picture of the gospel. About 4 hours away from me right now, is a little 16-month old girl who has no idea that everything about her little life is going to change today. She is waking up about now (6:30 is the time we were told she wakes up… hopefully that will be changing too!), and her sweet nanny is getting her ready for the last time. She’ll be taken on a longer drive than she’s ever been on and be placed in the arms of a complete stranger who looks, smells, and sounds completely different from what she has always known. Can you imagine how traumatic that will be for her? It is heartbreaking to think about. We, on the other hand, have been counting down to this exciting day. Longing for it. Because we do know what’s in store. We are gaining a daughter and she is gaining a family… not because she’s done anything or has anything to offer, but because she is chosen. God chose this precious little one to be ours and is placing her in our family. Adoption – not just the process of getting to our child, but living in the reality of it every day, has brought a much sweeter understanding to my own salvation. The gospel is the adoption story of God’s pursuit of us. We would never love God except that He first loved us and went through great costs to bring us into His family. Parenting makes me realize the need for God’s grace on a daily basis. How often do we try to get it all together and bring something to the table each day? Or, how often do we feel unworthy because we’ve fallen short again? That’s the whole point… we can’t get it all together and nothing we can do makes us worthy. That’s why we need Christ. I think over the time Ayla has been with me. We’ve had some rough days… I mean, she’s three and she’s a little sinner with an imperfect mom. But never once has she ceased being mine. Never once have I decided she’s no longer my daughter. My love for her is not dependent on her. And then I think about Christ’s love for me, and I realize that’s what draws me to love Him.

So here we are… it’s Gotcha Day, or Eva Day as my friend calls it. And today, January 6, is also special for another reason. I know I am a huge nerd for figuring this out, but this is really cool. We got Ayla on March 5, 2012. She was 22 months and 1 day old on her gotcha day. Today, we have had Ayla for 22 months and 2 days… so she has now been with us longer than she was without us. I just love how God gives us these little things! So our girls’ birthdays are on the 3rd and 4th of the month, and their Gotcha’s are on the 5th and 6th. Lord willing, Eva will be in our arms around 2:30 China time, which is 12:30 am CST. We cannot wait to become a family of four in just a few hours! Please be in prayer for this time… for Eva as she leaves all she knows, for Ayla who has to learn to share mommy and daddy, for the nanny saying goodbye, and for our family that we will know how to best love our little girl today. We know so many are praying and are confident those prayers are being answered. See you soon… with the pics you’ve been waiting for!

(I promise the rest of the blogs will have pics... lots of pics on fb too).

Ayla's coming home...

We made it to Hong Kong and are about to head to bed. Please keep us in your prayers as we start the long journey back to sweet home Alabama! Ayla does not like for me to sit down and is typically clingy, so we are a little concerned about 15 hours on a plane. The good news is we only have one layover in Detroit. Once we clear immigration there, Ayla will instantly become a U.S. citizen!!

We are so so excited to see everyone and welcome Ayla home! We would love to have anyone who wants to greet us at the airport to be there. Consider this your personal invitation! We are scheduled to arrive in Birmingham at 4:30 on Delta flight 5086 from Detroit.

There are just a couple requests... please meet us downstairs at the bottom of the escalators by baggage claim. We are going to have just a couple minutes with family up top before we head down so Ayla can meet her Pops & DeBe, aunt, uncles and cousin Kali. All our flights have been a little early so far (knock on wood), so we may very well be downstairs at 4:30.

Second, since we are still going through the bonding/attachment phase, please don't reach out to hold Ayla. You are welcome to talk to her or rub her arm, etc. You can imagine the confusion she will have. Just a week and a half ago she was taken from the only place and people she knew. Then, just as she started coming out of her shell and felt like the hotel room was our home, we move her again. Because of this, once we get home from the airport, we will be spending a lot of time at home as a family to help her become secure with all the new changes. So, the airport is a great place to meet her before we hunker (sidenote: I don't like the word "hunker", but I can't think of another word...it's late) down at home.

Ok, now I have a request for you all. This blog is really for Ayla to be able to look back on to see how God brought our family together. I would love for her to have notes from any of you who have followed our journey and prayed for us. We have had so much encouragement and have truly felt that we have been surrounded in prayer throughout this process. So, while you're waiting for us to get home, please leave notes for Ayla in the comments section of this post (not on facebook).

Ok, we look forward to seeing you all soon and hope some of you can make it to the airport!!

With love from China,
Tiffany, Steven & Ayla

out of the ashes...

I started this blog Saturday...the ONLY day Ayla slept in her crib for a nap. She woke up before I was able to finish, so by "yesterday," I mean Friday. :)

Yesterday was a long, exhausting, but amazing day! We, along with 5 other families, met at 6:30am to begin the 4 hour drive to visit the orphanage in Maoming, where our children had lived until just 4 days ago. There was some apprehension about the day, because we didn't know how the little ones would react to being back there and seeing the nannies who had loved and cared for them. It was a long, bumpy ride, but we finally pulled up to a gate, and walked into the place we had only seen in pictures.

As soon as we pulled in, there were nannies there with umbrellas to lead us up to the third floor where the children lived. We walked into their little playroom, and shortly after, a little line of children filed in and started playing. We had been told several times that Ayla loved to ride "the trojan," which is a little blue plastic rocking horse. She pretty much shut down when we walked in, and started looking all over the place. It was very similar to the way she responded on "Gotcha Day." A few of the kids were playing, so we walked over to the rocking horse. I started to put her down to see if she wanted to ride, but she clung to me and didn't let me put her down. I was TOTALLY fine with that!

There were a couple nannies who came up to her and rubbed on her face and talked to her. She looked at them a little and then turned her head away when they put their arms out to hold her. There has been one nanny who we've seen in lots of pictures with her, who she was very attached to. That nanny was not in the room. I wondered how she would respond to her. I knew it might be hard, but I really wanted to meet her and thank her for loving our daughter and preparing her for a family. I kept looking around for her, but didn't see her anywhere.

They had also prepared lunch for the kids so we could see what they were used to eating and how they were fed. I thought we had been feeding her a lot, but it turns out we've been holding out on her! They eat a big bowl of rice, beef & chicken, something green and leafy, and then something soupy in it. The nannies fed them with a regular spoon and big bites! Ayla took a few bites and then shook her head "no."

As I sat on the floor holding Ayla, I just looked around...at the parents holding former orphans in the very room where these kids had spent countless hours, children still waiting for families, some adopted kids crying for their nanny...and was completely overwhelmed. It was so hard to imagine that this was all Ayla had known up until a few days ago. Any tears that didn't fall on Gotcha Day were falling now.

We didn't spend a whole lot of time in the room. There was a quick trip to the next room over, which was the crib room. Actually, we just looked through the window because the beds were full of sleeping babies. One of the nannies pointed out which bed was Ayla's...it already had a new owner.

It was almost time to say goodbye, and up walks Ayla's nanny...the one I had been hoping to see. She came up and reached for Ayla, but she just turned her head away. I was overcome. The nanny was so sweet with her and just talked to her and smiled at me, although I have no idea what she was saying. Through our guide, we were finally able to thank her for taking care of Ayla and preparing her for our family. After a few minutes, it was time to leave. The orphanage director, the nanny, and one other nanny who worked with Ayla came to tell her goodbye one more time. I was about to have Steven get a picture of us with all 3 ladies, but 2 of them started crying and turned away. More tears. We are so blessed that our daughter was loved enough that there were people sad to see her go. She was loved, and even though she will not remember her time in the orphanage, I know these special women have made a lasting impact on Ayla's ability to attach and love.

On our way back to the bus, we were taken through the back orphanage gate to Ayla's finding spot. It was nothing more than a dirty alley. We were told that babies are left there at night so whoever leaves them doesn't get caught (it is illegal to abandon a baby in China). It was hard to imagine that Ayla had been left there. She was found in a paper box, wearing flower clothing, with a birthnote that said her birthday was May 4, 2010. She was found on May 24...less than 3 weeks old. We also found out that she was a premie, with a low birthweight. A tiny new baby, abandoned and all alone. The fact that she was left at the orphanage where someone would find her does say something about her birthmother. Someone risked getting caught to make sure she was found. We definitely don't plan on telling Ayla some fairytale story about why her mother had to give her up, because the truth is we don't know. However, I am thankful that her birthmother chose to give her life in a culture where abortion is common. I am also thankful that she was most likely cared for by her birthmother for her first 3 weeks, and then left with a note in what was probably the safest place they could find.

We made a few more stops to the finding spots of the other children in our group, had lunch, and then started the long drive back to Guangzhou. That night at the hotel, Ayla began coming out of her shell. She let me put her down and she played and ran around the room. We heard some great laughs as we chased her around!! Later that night though, we also saw a more of the other end of the spectrum. She had a screaming, crying, back arching fit, and was inconsolable for 20-30 minutes before she wore herself out and went to sleep. Bedtime and naptime have been a struggle ever since (hence the lack of blogposts). On one hand, it is good that she feels comfortable enough to finally grieve. On the other hand, it is exhausting, and has been the hardest part of the journey. We are praying this phase gets better and better...preferably quickly! Still, we wouldn't trade this journey for anything!

It's Tuesday night now, and Ayla's suitcase is packed to come home. Honestly, we have really enjoyed being here! The time has gone by really fast. While we are excited to get home, we are not super excited about the long plane rides coming up. We just purchased a lap ticket for Ayla, rather than getting her a seat. That was probably best since she will have a meltdown prefers for me to hold her. She also wants me to stand up when I hold her...yeah, it may be a long 24 hours! Please pray for all 3 of us...and the poor people whose seats are nearby!!

We cannot wait to get our sweet girl home! We would LOVE to see any of you at the airport Thursday who would like to come. I will give the details in a separate post, so stay tuned!

Just tried to upload pics twice and it won't work. :( Lots of pictures on facebook though! Heading to bed for the last time in Guangzhou...