Maoming visit...

Wow, it’s hard to know where to even begin! Today was such a special day. It started early, as we left for Maoming at 6:30 this morning.

Actually, let me back up a little to something that happened yesterday that completely describes where we are with Ayla. The girls were playing on the floor, and Eva likes to do her little army crawl all up under the table and chairs. She’ll get to where she can’t get out, so I’ll get her and pull her out. As I picked her up one time, I said, “Come here you little peanut.” Ayla’s immediate response was, “Can you call me peanut too?”

I laughed as I called her peanut too, but I could have cried. Bless her heart! She has been really clingy to me and doesn’t really want anyone else to do anything for her… especially when I’m holding Eva. She’s just extra sensitive right now. I am really trying to be patient with her more-than-usual neediness, but it does get wearing. Pray for grace for both of us!! When it comes down to it, she is a mommy’s girl. I knew that my time and attention being divided was going to be a tough transition for her, but praise the Lord Eva loves for Daddy to hold her, so I can give Ayla some one-on-one time. I know it will get better with time, but watching her struggle in those moments is hard.  Eva is “in her space,” as she’s said a few times. And she is. The hard part is that it’s not just her space anymore. There have been several sweet and fun sister moments too. They play together really well, and Ayla loves helping me with diapers… it just hits her in waves that things are different.

Maoming Social Welfare Institute, where Ayla and Eva lived while they were in China.

So back to the orphanage visit. Eva first. She is super curious (we’ve nicknamed her George) and starts waving whenever we get out of the van. I had her in the carrier in case she seemed anxious, but as we started walking up the stairs, I could tell she knew where she was. She started smiling and kicking her feet with excitement. At that point I just prepared myself (if that’s possible) for her to lunge for her nanny and not want to leave her. We got upstairs to her floor and several nannies were there to greet her. I took her out of the carrier so the nannies could see her. They wanted to hold her, and Eva seemed fine, so I handed her to her Grandma (her primary nanny… more on that later). She went to her, but almost immediately reached back for me. I almost fell apart. Partly out of pure joy and relief, and partly for the sting that the nanny had to feel. I honestly wasn’t expecting that. One by one, the nannies would reach to hold her. She would let them, but then she’d reach back to her mommy. Every time, the nannies would cheer and give her thumbs up. They were saying all kinds of things to her in Chinese (I learned today that Maoming has it’s own dialect, but I don’t know what it’s called), but the one word I kept catching was “mama.” They were excited for her! We went into the little playroom where she spent so much time, and she played with all the familiar toys on the floor with her nanny. She would play as long as I was close by. It was so sweet to watch, but it’s hard to know what to say to a woman who has loved and cared for your baby for so long. I hope she knows how grateful we are! We went into the crib room for a few minutes. The other babies were just going down for a nap, but we got to see 2 little empty cribs. One was Eva’s. The other was the little girl of the family there with us. When they learn that certain children are being adopted at the same time, they put them in cribs next to each other. So sweet!

Ayla has been looking forward to going back to Maoming since we started talking about it several months ago. We pray for her nanny, and she has been so excited to see her. Several of the nannies knew Ayla. She gave them some shy hugs and smiles. Her primary nanny (her Grandma) was not scheduled to work today, but she knew we were coming and made a special trip to see Ayla. She is SO sweet! Ayla gave her a little gift and hugged her initially, but quickly started having a “moment.” A while later, the nanny had to leave and I told Ayla to give her a hug. She wouldn’t do it. How do you explain to a 3 year old the significance of a day like today? I told Ayla she wouldn’t get another chance to hug her nanny, but she still wouldn’t do it and I wasn’t going to force it. As the nanny left, we walked the other direction. I was disappointed and knew Ayla would be too later. We walked down a floor to the playroom where Ayla had played. She perked up and was playing when her nanny walks back up to thank us for the gift. Ayla looked up and RAN to her and gave her a big hug! I am SO thankful for that moment, and that the Lord gave us a second chance for it!

The orphanage cook had made lunch for us. We weren’t really sure what to expect, but it was really good! After we ate, we took a few more pictures and left to go to Eva’s finding spot. We pulled up to a hospital. It was being renovated and didn’t really look like a hospital at all. Eva was left on the fourth floor, which is the women’s and children’s floor. It was so surreal to be standing in that place. Somewhere, probably nearby, is a birth mother who felt she had no other choice but to abandon her. She was a preemie and weighed just 2 lbs. when she was found. Somewhere is a woman who thinks about Eva, but has so many unknowns. I am so grateful for her birth mom. She chose life for our little girl!

It took us a lot longer to get back because of traffic, but I got some good snuggle time with both girls. On the way back, I was also able to talk to our guide, Aron. I was a little confused about the “Grandma” program at the orphanage since most of the “Grandma’s” were fairly young. It’s actually called a social welfare institute because part of the campus is for the elderly. I always assumed that the “Grandma” was one of the elderly women that lived there, but it is actually just the term they use for each child’s primary nanny. They call them the Grandma so they can prepare the children for their adopted mom and dad without the kids feeling like they are getting a “replacement” mother. This is especially great for the older kids.

Today was a sweet, long, overwhelming wonderful day. Praise the Lord!!

Steven will put more pics on fb, but here are some...

This nanny greeted us as we got out of the van. She knew Ayla.

Headed up to Eva's floor.

Her "Grandma" was so happy to see her.

She didn't want to go back to her...

Ayla's "Grandma" shows up, and was so sweet and excited
to see Ayla.

Ayla gave her a little gift. Normally they don't open them
until we leave, but Ayla wanted her to open it.

Good thing, because mommy accidentally mixed up the
gifts. Here's the right one! ;)

All of us with the girls and their nannies (Grandmas).

Steven wanted one with just the girls... Eva wouldn't go
back to her nanny, so neither did Ayla.

Two little empty cribs... Eva's is on the right.

Loved...

All the Grandmas!

Walking away without saying goodbye...

Ayla running to her when she came back!

Big hug!

Yay for second chances!!

About to leave when we saw this
nanny waiving...

waiving bye bye

Eva's finding spot...
The fourth floor of this women and children's hospital.

Gotcha details...

I thought that maybe since we had already been through one Gotcha Day I wouldn’t feel so nervous this time. I was wrong. It was that same exact feeling in my chest and stomach when I woke up Monday morning… like I could laugh, cry or puke, but mostly just crazy excited. We had several things to do that morning, so it helped the time pass by quickly. Before we knew it, it was 2:00 and time to head to the civil affairs office to meet Eva. We loaded in a van with the two other families… who were all feeling the exact same way. On the way there, we were talking about our girls and we figured out that all three of them were within 5 weeks of each other age wise. One of them is from the same orphanage as Eva, and our guide said they were crib buddies (which meant they were in the  same room in Maoming). About 20 minutes later, we arrived at the civil affairs building and headed in.

Last family pic before Eva

Gotcha Day was amazing! Since our travel group is just us and 2 other families, it felt way different than last time. The civil affairs building was not very busy, so everything seemed really calm and laid back. We checked over some paperwork and sat down to wait until it was time to meet Eva. Within about 1 minute, the first baby came out before anyone expected. By the time we stood up, they were bringing Eva out. I recognized the nanny who was holding her, and she recognized Ayla immediately! She was so excited to see Ayla that she headed straight towards her and forgot to hand Eva to me. I finally just took Eva from her so she could talk to Ayla. I LOVE that they are from the same place, and that moment made me so grateful for the love and care they received as babies. 

Gotcha!!!!

As soon as I held Eva, the first thing I noticed is how light she is. She was dressed in this puffy one piece sweatsuit monstrosity, and it felt like that’s all I was holding. She did really well. She didn’t cry when I took her, and within a few minutes we saw some smiles and heard some giggles… tiny little giggles. The nannies gave us all the things we had sent in the care package, and she immediately grabbed her little photo album. It looks like she played with it a lot… and chewed on it! We heard some little baby babble that sounded like mama and baba (which means daddy). Her nanny must have looked through it with her a lot. One of the best parts of the day is that she let Steven hold her! She will go to either of us, and that is a huge answer to prayer. I think her seeing Ayla with Steven and the fact that she’s so young has helped a lot too!

We were able to ask the nannies some questions before we left. They told us Eva has bronchitis, and handed me five, FIVE medications that she’s on. They also mentioned she has a temper. We saw it for the first time when we tried to give her the medicine. She is NOT a fan! They also mentioned she has a poor appetite and likes to “skip” naps. Great. (I will say, that as I write this, she is napping in her crib. This was after she drank almost a full bottle and took her meds. I did get a little in my face when she spit it out).

Ayla has done great too! She is playing well with Eva, and Eva thinks she’s hilarious! It is so cute to watch them play together. Eva is feisty and will definitely be able to hold her own. She would act like she was handing her little photo album to Ayla, but would yank it back as soon as Ayla would reach for it. It became a little game and we heard some really cute laughs. Ayla suddenly seems SO big and grown up now. So far she is loving her new role as big sister.

Eva is not walking yet, but she can get around pretty fast. She has a funny little army crawl. She also like to roll over quickly multiple times. She stops whenever she runs into something.

It is still so surreal that she’s finally with us. When you’re in the process, it really feels like you’ll just do paperwork forever. The beautiful thing is that there is actually a child at the end of all that waiting and paperwork. We know people are praying for us, and we are so grateful! Please continue to pray as we walk through these next few days! God is good!

The head nanny at Maoming was so excited to see Ayla

So glad my mom, "Debe", is here with us! Three generations.
My mom, me and Eva all have the middle name Ann. 

Kisses from Daddy

Sisters...

Sweet smile... (not mine)

Daddy's first hold

A good look at her huge outfit.

Hailston girls!

First family pic. Ayla was really excited, but I love her expression in this! 

Maoming staff and our sweet guide, Aron (right)

And just like that, we walked out... with 3 more than when we walked in!

Checking it all out

Precious girl!

It's Eva Day!

It is so hard to believe this day is finally here! We are now just counting down by hours, rather than months or days. I went to bed early and have been waking up off an on since about 2:30, and I just can’t sleep anymore. The last blog I wrote was from China, right before we came home with Ayla. That was just under 2 years ago, but I can remember it like it was yesterday. There have been SO many blogs in my head since then that have never made it in writing… funny moments, sweet moments, and lots of stories of God’s faithfulness.

I know those close to us have heard a lot of the stories throughout our process to Eva, but for her sake, I want to share them here so we can look back on them together when she’s older. We knew God calling us to adopt again about 8 months after we came home… November 2012. This was not our plan. On paper, it did not make sense for us to adopt. We couldn’t afford the first adoption and we had even less now. Some people are afraid to ask (and some aren’t, haha) if we struggle with infertility. The answer is we don’t know! We’ve never tried to get pregnant. After touring with the international children’s choir, we just really felt led to international adoption. After we brought Ayla home, we talked to several friends who were ahead of us and had adopted kids asking questions about their adoption… the tough questions about abandonment, and feeling unloved by their birth family. We know those moments lie ahead for us too, and we just thought it would be a beautiful thing for Ayla and Eva to have each other in those moments.

There were such amazing moments with Ayla’s adoption (you can look back at old blogs), that I was honestly a little nervous starting over. I wondered how it could possibly happen again the second time around. Not that we had to have fireworks… it ultimately comes down to God’s peace in our hearts, but I did want some stories to share with Eva. And God was gracious.

We wanted to settle on a name early on for Ayla’s sake. It’s hard enough talking about “a little sister in China”, much less one without a face or a name. So, we decided pretty quickly on Eva. I loved the meaning of it – “life-giving”. For a middle name we were torn. I loved Grace because her name would mean, “life giving grace,” but I also wanted to use Ann since it was my mom’s and my middle name. We had plenty of time to decide, so we just waited. Then one night I was awake in bed and decided to look up the meaning for Ann. And guess what? It means grace! So there we go… we are using Ann AND it means “life-giving grace.”

Little did I know when we used this name just how meaningful it would end up being. Back in August, my Big Daddy got really sick and we were told it wouldn’t bee long before he’d be with Jesus. Every time I saw him, he would ask, “Do we know who Eva is yet?” We had been told to expect a file around late September, so I didn’t think he would get to see who she was. I was shopping in Publix on August 29, when I saw I had missed a call from our social worker. When I called her back I was SHOCKED to hear that she had a file for us… for a little girl who wasn’t even one yet! I waited for her to email over the file, and after I went up and down the same aisle at least five times, I went home so I could look through everything. It was her! (I hoped Steven would agree when he got home from work – haha). We turned in the paperwork the next morning, and I got pictures printed to take to Big Daddy. We have pictures of him with Ayla and a picture of Eva that I am so thankful for! That was August 30. Eva’s first birthday was September 3, and Big Daddy went home on September 5.

Our family has been in a season of sorrow. We have been grieving together over the loss of my cousin Drew last month. The losses are very real, but our hope is sure! It has been hard to have such conflicting emotions at the same time, but I praise God for the bright spot Eva will be in a dark time for our family… a little “life-giving grace.”

Adoption is such a beautiful picture of the gospel. About 4 hours away from me right now, is a little 16-month old girl who has no idea that everything about her little life is going to change today. She is waking up about now (6:30 is the time we were told she wakes up… hopefully that will be changing too!), and her sweet nanny is getting her ready for the last time. She’ll be taken on a longer drive than she’s ever been on and be placed in the arms of a complete stranger who looks, smells, and sounds completely different from what she has always known. Can you imagine how traumatic that will be for her? It is heartbreaking to think about. We, on the other hand, have been counting down to this exciting day. Longing for it. Because we do know what’s in store. We are gaining a daughter and she is gaining a family… not because she’s done anything or has anything to offer, but because she is chosen. God chose this precious little one to be ours and is placing her in our family. Adoption – not just the process of getting to our child, but living in the reality of it every day, has brought a much sweeter understanding to my own salvation. The gospel is the adoption story of God’s pursuit of us. We would never love God except that He first loved us and went through great costs to bring us into His family. Parenting makes me realize the need for God’s grace on a daily basis. How often do we try to get it all together and bring something to the table each day? Or, how often do we feel unworthy because we’ve fallen short again? That’s the whole point… we can’t get it all together and nothing we can do makes us worthy. That’s why we need Christ. I think over the time Ayla has been with me. We’ve had some rough days… I mean, she’s three and she’s a little sinner with an imperfect mom. But never once has she ceased being mine. Never once have I decided she’s no longer my daughter. My love for her is not dependent on her. And then I think about Christ’s love for me, and I realize that’s what draws me to love Him.

So here we are… it’s Gotcha Day, or Eva Day as my friend calls it. And today, January 6, is also special for another reason. I know I am a huge nerd for figuring this out, but this is really cool. We got Ayla on March 5, 2012. She was 22 months and 1 day old on her gotcha day. Today, we have had Ayla for 22 months and 2 days… so she has now been with us longer than she was without us. I just love how God gives us these little things! So our girls’ birthdays are on the 3rd and 4th of the month, and their Gotcha’s are on the 5th and 6th. Lord willing, Eva will be in our arms around 2:30 China time, which is 12:30 am CST. We cannot wait to become a family of four in just a few hours! Please be in prayer for this time… for Eva as she leaves all she knows, for Ayla who has to learn to share mommy and daddy, for the nanny saying goodbye, and for our family that we will know how to best love our little girl today. We know so many are praying and are confident those prayers are being answered. See you soon… with the pics you’ve been waiting for!

(I promise the rest of the blogs will have pics... lots of pics on fb too).